When you break up a long term relationship, no one really tells you that you'll feel a little less yourself. Like somehow you were a bigger person than you were and then the break-up cleaves you in two and you're left with your arm around an imaginary shoulder that's no longer there. Everything feels emptier, not just your heart, but everything; from your head to your body to the space you feel you occupy in the world. In your head, the subjects you used to talk about with him and only him just float along your mind because you can't bounce it off him any longer, until they pop soundlessly like thought bubbles of conversation no one but you is ever really going to hear now. You used to feel a little bit bigger in the world and maybe it was the security or the confidence of that relationship but when you could be alone and walk around the world, you were still a little bigger in the knowledge that you had someone waiting for you. And now it's just you. The death of a long term relationship makes you feel like you step lighter and more soundlessly in the world but who would really care now? It's just you. No one will really hear that step but you.
And your heart. People die of a broken heart and you used to think that was romantic bull but then you realize that there is an all too real ache and pain somewhere in your chest cavity that you could have sworn was your heart but really can't be because that's seriously all just empty space now (there can't be anything there, you just feel empty). The death of a long term relationship feels like if you did still have a heart, there's a gaping hole carved right out of it that you don't know how you can fill again. And maybe you never really do, because every love is different and no love is the same and no person can change you like another person can.
Abbi is a petite human, blogger, amateur photographer, permanent humanitarian, avid traveller, culture addict, giant bookworm and impossible foodie.